Trouble falling asleep and restless sleep

I recently gave a poll on sleep problems. The two problems that people identified wanting to hear more about were 1) falling asleep and 2) restless sleep. Believe it or not, those two things are related and can go hand-in-hand. It reminds me of a recent Sleep Q&A session that we had. Read on...

I get the following question fairly frequently, and it relates to falling asleep and restless sleep. It was asked at one of our recent Sleep Q&A sessions:

"I am trying not to clock-watch at night because it makes me anxious. I've been trying to follow the course's recommendation to get out of bed when I cannot sleep. I was surprised when I thought it had been about 20 minutes, but it had actually been about an hour when I looked at the clock!"

The 20 minutes that is referenced by the group member is the standard rough estimate of time that is recommended for people to get out of bed when they cannot sleep (there are a lot of details that go into that recommendation, but that's the short version).

Do you know why there is such a difference in the perception of time that had passed? Has this ever happened to you? This is an important point that you want to know if you have trouble falling asleep or trouble with restless sleep.

Although I'm obviously not there while you try to sleep, my best educated guess is that when a long time goes by in bed, you are probably actually going in and out of very light, early stage sleep. It is hard to recognize that you are dozing. This is the same reason why people get into motor vehicle accidents by falling asleep at the wheel of a car. We aren't particularly good at knowing when we are entering the early stages of sleep.

The consequences are actually pretty significant regarding nighttime sleep when you start to get that light sleep without knowing it. Getting that light sleep, followed by being alert and aware that you are awake (such as when you look at the clock or start to think about something consciously), sets up the body to have difficulty falling asleep in a solid, satisfying manner for the night, sets you up to feel like you didn't/can't fall asleep, and also sets you up to have the kind of night that includes a lot of "tossing and turning" that leaves you feeling like you had restless sleep.

In order to get rid of difficulty falling asleep and replace the sense of "tossing and turning" with deeper, more satisfying sleep, then you must understand how and when to get out of bed. A good place to start is to get out of bed when you sense that it has been a while and you are still somewhat awake. My prediction is that it will be longer than 20 minutes. Test it and see for yourself. After 20 minutes, you are basically training your body to be awake in bed, and you want to minimize reinforcing the body to be awake in bed if you truly want to sleep well.

If that sounds awfully hard to get out of bed, yes, it's not the most pleasant. It is important to know that the technique works best when used in conjunction with solid knowledge of what is going on within the body to prepare and help sleep work well.

Wish to start to learn more about the mechanisms of sleep? Consider our short course, Good Sleep 101. If you are a woman who is 40+ and dissatisfied with sleep, then you are also invited to apply to join our next cohort of students for the Mastering Restful Sleep program which starts in September.

The Mastering Restful Sleep Program merges sleep physiology, behavioral principles, and mindfulness/self-compassion approaches to address chronic sleep dissatisfaction. Good Sleep 101 is included in the program fee. I will be announcing the opening of the program publicly in August. If you wish to have early notification prior to public opening of the program, sign up for our sleep newsletter. Admission is by application and on a rolling basis.

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